The best Piña Colada in Chicago: Joyous or Horrid?

Delight in the sardonic charm of 'The best Piña Colada in Chicago', strangely refreshing, just like despair.

Oh, darling, the Piña Colada, such an uplifting mixture of lightness within the darkness; I am drawn to it like a moth to a cold artificial flame. A labyrinth of pineapple, coconut and rum, interwoven with elegance and morbidity like a spider’s web glistening in the moonlight. Born in the vibrant abyss of 1950s Puerto Rico, its thumbnail sketch is as flamboyant as the maelstrom of fire found at a cocktail party’s heart.

Indeed, its fame is akin to a deadly vine, spread across the world, intoxicating unsuspecting sundrenched revellers. Yet, even in its ubiquity, it never fails to capture the heart, for beneath its charming facade lies a tale as vexing as a love lost at sea. Akin to a Venus flytrap, its sweet taste and velvety texture ensnare the taste buds until they are completely at mercy of its tropical summoning. Truly, the Piña Colada is the perfect classic drink for those who fancy experiencing their own short-lived sigh of the tropics from the comfort of their gloomy mansion.

A Glimpse into the Origins of a Tropical Cocktail

As is the case with any story worth being shrouded in mystery, the genesis tale of a particular pineapple concoction is not one deemed straightforward. Two claimants aggressively vie for the honor of having birthed this diabolical blend of rum, coconut milk, and pineapple juice — dare I say, the monumental Piña Colada.

The first fighter in the ring, Ramón Marrero, paints a tale from 1954. This man, a bartender extraordinaire at the Caribe Hilton Hotel, was allegedly driven by the Luciferian pursuit to encapsulate the true spirit of Puerto Rico in a glass. After an arduous three months of playing alchemist, he allegedly concocted the recipe for the superlative tropical poison that we know today. Another story linger on the lips of some bards whisper a darker tale. One Ricardo García, also from the Caribe Hilton, pledges that he created the drink when he substituted coconut for cream due to untimely shortages caused by a strike. He likely laughed in the face of adversity, that one.

And yet, the meticulously recorded annals of Captain and Tennille, musical impresarios of 1979, boast of this drink rescuing their love on the rocks. An amusingly harmless testament to the powers of the debatable Piña Colada. A cocktail steeped in treachery, drama, and a debauchery most tropical, indeed.

Taste Unique The best  Piña Colada in Chicago

Recipe: The Best Piña Colada

Perhaps you find conventional merriment in the taste of a sweet and tropical cocktail, basking in the sunlight, soaking up the pleasures of ubiquitous, cheerful spirits. Well, I don’t. However, I recognize that there are those who derive an unsettling amount of joy from such things. If you’re of that particular disposition, you might find this recipe intriguing. It’s the formula for a drink called ‘The Best Piña Colada’.


  • 120 ml of what they call ‘light or dark rum’
  • 180 ml of coconut cream, as white and as cryptic as a moonlit ghost in the night
  • 180 ml of pineapple juice, squeezed from the fruit’s heart
  • Ice cubes to chill your bones…or just your beverage, as it seems most prefer
  • Chunks of pineapple and a Maraschino cherry. Apparently it’s for ‘garnish’. I find it reminiscent of lurid tropical rituals.

Now, here’s how you prepare it:

  • Into the vessel of the blender you pour the rum, coconut cream and pineapple juice. You add the ice, leaving simple room-oriented physics to adjust the ratios.
  • Blend until it’s smooth… but remember, even down to the microscopic level, nothing is truly smooth. Much like life.
  • Pour it into a glass, and place the cherry and pineapple on top. A cocktail umbrella may add that visceral touch of frivolity if you are into it.

Serving Piña Colada in Chicago

There’s nothing like the soothing relief of a well-blended Piña Colada to quench the thirst. However, find the right spot to enjoy this delicacy can be a little gloomy. Fear not, though, I’ve scoured the wind-swept streets of Chicago and compiled a list of some of my favorite haunts to indulge in this bittersweet concoction.

My favorite Piña Colada Spots:

  • Name: The Ghostly ManorAddress:123 Phantom Ave, Chicago.
  • I do enjoy visiting the Ghostly Manor. The blend of the cocktail is as chillingly perfect as the eerie atmosphere. The bartenders, with their daunting monotone voices, add to the macabre charm of the place.

  • Name: Dreadful Dive, Address:456 Fear St, Chicago.
  • The Dreadful Dive surely plucks at my heartstrings. Their Piña Colada offers a unique blend that’s as haunting as the dim lighting and dusty interiors.

  • Name: The Creepy Corner, Address: 789 Terror Trail, Chicago.
  • The Creepy Corner is a quaint little spot where you can curl up with your Piña Colada. While it lacks the gothic charm of the other locations, the melancholy notes of their Piña Colada make up for it.

Mix Enticing The best  Piña Colada in Chicago

Peculiar Piña Coladas in Chicago

On a decidedly gloomy day, saturated with an unappetizing vibrancy, in the heart of Chicago, exists an utterly unordinary treasure. A cocktail. Not just any cocktail, but one that disrupts the beautiful melancholy of our surroundings. Unfortunately for my taste, it’s a hyperbolic explosion of sweetness and sunshine, served in a disturbingly cheerful glass.

The chilling wind of Chicago treats one to a delectable biting kiss on the cheek, but within this establishment, there’s a disarray associated with a tropical beach. Picture if you will, a blend of pineapple juice with deceptively named coconut cream and rum so white, it mirrors the innocence of a lamb led to slaughter. Soaked cherries and a delightful tiny umbrella, only cementing further its jovial deceit, accentuate the whole charade.

Indeed it is lauded as the best in the city by those who favour such frothy frivolities. But such disguised delight should not be consumed lightly. It’s an unholy fiesta of flavours and colours, brimming in a glass. A curious potion to weave its magic on the blissfully ignorant patrons, who obliterate their senses in the tropical onslaught in the belly of wintry Chicago. A stark paradox to savour if you dare, and if you survive, you might even decide to share.

Health Analysis of Piña Colada Ingredients

Dark, dismal and intoxicating, the faded shine of a Piña Colada can lure even the mortal conscience to its deadly abyss. Although cocooned in a deceptive mask of cheerful vibrance, one must not get beguiled by its sweet guise. Your palate might be seduced by the eclectic dance of pineapple and coconut flavors, yet behind this mirage lies the sinister poise of a grim reaper called alcohol. Abandoned to its crude mercy, it can strangle the life out of your liver, assaulting it with a torrent of ruthless toxins. Moderation, as they say, is the key to surviving this potent potion.

Yet, amidst this darke spectacle, subtle glimmers of hope persist. The conspicuous pineapple, faithful companion to the coconut, brings forth a precious bounty of vitamins and minerals. Holding sway in its generous heart are hefty doses of Vitamin C and manganese, determined warriors battling the remorseless charge of disease and decay. Likewise, the coconut, with its sweet, milky sap, cradles within it lauric acid, which feigns innocence until it transforms into a fierce defender of health, charging at harmful cholesterol with its bright lance. Alas, these gifts of nature are but fleeting sparks in the all-consuming darkness of the Piña Colada’s dangerous allure.

Enjoy Aromatic The best  Piña Colada in Chicago

Unleashing Your Charming Macabre: A Guide to a Do-It-Yourself Piña Colada Bar

In the darkest corner of a sun-drenched room, assemble the necessary tools as though preparing for a peculiar ritual. The first object of desire is the enchantingly sharp cocktail shaker, a vessel designed for a purpose much like a newly dug grave. Then, the silver measuring jigger, responsible for balancing the ingredients as one would balance on a tightrope over a pit of peril. Lastly, procure a glass blender, a seemingly common tool but with an ominous whirring noise that would stun even the most daring ones.

The ingredients are of course, the main part of this twisted tale. Seek out an enchantingly sweet pineapple juice and a refined coconut cream, ideally imported from places where sunlight engulfs the days and the nights are alive with unusual rituals and causes. Rums, one light and one dark, to represent the endless duel of day and night, to bring the desired appeasing aftertaste. Ice, the embodiment of death, yet an essential part of this life celebrating ritual.

The garnishings, of course, echo the gothic charm that accompanies our existence. Release fresh mint leaves, reminiscent of a dew-kissed morning in a cemetery, onto your bar. Add pineapple slices, with their blades like sharp edges, promising an adventure with each bite. Maraschino cherries, the color of a crimson sunset, stand ready to be sacrificed atop your cocktail addition. And for the adventurer seeking something truly out of the ordinary, do consider garnishing with a black umbrella —it serves a dual purpose of shielding your cocktail from the sun’s glare and adding a touch of whimsical gloom.

A Curious Cocktail Anecdote in Chicago

Chills run down my spine as I anticipate the punchline of this day-radiant tale. You see, there is this so-called ‘best’ Piña Colada in Chicago. This cocktail has a peculiar trait, it couldn’t make a soul happy if it tried. Why, you ask? Because like our family, it too relishes in the dark, the strange, the unfamiliar. Apparently, its creator wanted to pay homage to sunny beach days. Sunny beach days… Isn’t it delightful how the sun effortlessly ruins the mesmerizing mystery of the night?

In the city known for its impressive architecture and chilling winds, this Piña Colada thinks it’s a beach vacation. A speckle of misplaced joy in a city that prides itself on grit and tenacity. I appreciate its audacity to stand out, but I can’t help but find it amusing, like a tropical bird attempting to survive in the arctic wilderness. It’s a chuckle-worthy sight, I assure you.

I hope you don’t find this anecdote too long. The thought of sharing such oddities with you brings a sense of grim satisfaction. And remember, my dear reader, the shadows of our page are ever open for your return. After all, isn’t the unconventional much more interesting?


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