The best Gin in New York City that I don’t endorse

Oh, the delightful morbidity of experiencing 'The best Gin in New York City.' An intoxicating charm like a graveyard fog.

Much like a lonely ghost in an abandoned manor, or perhaps a venomous reptile concealed in the shadows of a deep, dark forest, the best gin is something that lurks beneath the surface, waiting for the time to reveal its grim and delicious reality. A spirit, if you will, that’s as much about the tale told as it is about the tangible liquid. It’s colored with history that rivals the eeriest of legends, having evolved from a herbal medicine to an object of commerce in the spirits industry.

Originating centuries ago, the popularity of this ethereal elixir is more than its spectral clarity would have you perceive. Its omnipresence at funerals, shadowy corners of establishments, and even at robust, cheerful celebrations, is a testament to its paradoxical charm. Furthermore, it serves as the austere, unlike Saturnalian, backbone of some of the most renowned cocktails, offering its lingering taste of juniper berries, an eerie choir of botanicals, and its quiet conversation of complex flavors that are as enchanting as a waning moon over a midnight forest.

Whether its allure lies in the complexity of flavor profiles, its omnipresence across various social proceedings, or simply the dark, underappreciated history it carries in its clear, chilling depths, remains a mystery. But then again, mysteries and the best gin share a characteristic appeal. They’re both far more interesting when left slightly undeciphered.

A Morbidly Fascinating History of a Renowned Liquor

Oh, gin. Our humanity’s fluid companion through the ages. Some find it distasteful, yet it’s endured and even thrived, not unlike cockroaches or a well-intentioned curse. On one hand, a refuge for dispirited souls, on the other, a nefarious accomplice to debauchery and excess. But who am I to judge? A tranquil graveyard at dusk is scandalous to the unattuned mind.

One might trace gin’s improbable journey to Holland, in the 17th century, where it acted as a dubious medical elixir. In fact, the British troops fighting in the Thirty Years’ War took to the peculiar drink, claiming it gifted them the courage they so desperately required for battle. Such charming simplicity, crediting a warbling mind to a glass of spirits. It’s not dissimilar to attributing resurrections to an old gypsy woman with a handful of graveyard dirt.

Even kings were not immune to gin’s beguiling charms. William III, better known as William of Orange, existing in an ironic symbiosis with the drink, wielded it as a political tool and indulgent weakness. A familiar phantom friend to many, from soldiers in damp trenches to dignitaries in gilded halls. And why not? Existence is dreadfully mundane without the occasional dance with our darker delights.

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Recipe for The Best Gin

In this joyless world filled with monotony and predictability, there’s a sublime, artistic satisfaction in the creation of something complex and unpredictable. Why make something simple when you can dedicate time to a riveting task? Ah, the aromatic allure of a potion in a crystal goblet, the symmetrical dance of ice shards amidst the sea of a hearty and ethereal liquid, the velvet touch as it glides down the throat. What am I speaking of, you might ask? The grand creation of the best gin, a stirring potion that ignites the senses and darkens the cheer.

Let’s not play the fool and embark on such a task without detailing the necessary ingredients.


  • A modest amount of juniper berries, with their dark allure and imbued bitterness
  • A light sprinkle of coriander seeds, to add a fiendish and playful twist
  • Angelica root, not so angelic, but beautifully deceptive indeed
  • A dab of cassia bark for that undercurrent of fiery warmth
  • A splash of bitter orange peel, to match the bitterness of your blackened soul

The ritual of creation is as complex as the drink itself. Begin with the cleansing of your copper still, an empty body yearning for the invigorating potion to come. Spread a handful of juniper berries onto its belly, welcoming in the husky bitterness that forms the backbone of this intoxicating brew. Follow with your remaining elements, each by each, to create an intoxicating mishmash. Seal the still and apply a gentle heat, coaxing the spirit to trickle out, entrapped with the delightful aromas and flavors. A sequence of events that requires precision, patience, and an air of sadistic delight.

Top Gin Locations in New York City

Permit my melancholy mood to guide you through the labyrinth of New York City’s gin-sided establishments. In a city that is constantly hustling and bustling, these locales beckon like a breath of fresh, albeit tainted by human desire, air. Whether it’s the smooth call of gin that allures you or the fascinating secrets hidden within the quaint taverns, these gin spots remain unparalleled.

Gin Destination in NYC:

  • Name: ‘Bathtub Gin’, address: ‘132 9th Ave, New York, NY 10011’. Review: The wonderfully named Bathtub Gin captivated my heart immediately. In the midst of the chaos, this locale offered a much-yearned reprieve, with spirits as dark and intoxicating as my favorite cauldron brew.
  • Name: ‘Dutch Kills’, address: ’27-24 Jackson Ave, Long Island City, NY 11101′. Review: Dutch Kills, a magnificently gloomy escape from the garish sunlight. This spot proved to be an oasis of gloom in the midst of mundane cheerfulness. The gin is, as expected, as poignant as a midnight sky.
  • Name: ‘The Gin Parlour’, address: ‘111 E 48th St, New York, NY 10017’. Review: The Gin Parlour, with an almost disquieting calm amid the city’s uproar, proved to be a sanctuary for gin-loving souls. A disarming concoction of whimsy, mystery, and of course gin – an alluring waltz that leaves you utterly bewitched.

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The Artistry of Gin Spirit Garnishment

Some may find it hard to understand the appeal of meticulously Kirei-zukuri, or ‘made pretty’, that some seek in their drinks, but really, what’s life without a pinch of the grotesque and wonderful? There’s a sort of melancholic beauty in slowly watching a meticulously constructed garnish deteriorate away in your gin spirit, like a sand castle to the relentless waves. It’s a quiet echo of life’s ephemeral nature.

Take the garnish crafted from a miniature human skull, for instance. It’s not for the light-hearted, but what’s life without a little dread sprinkled in? The level of detail in the replication of the skull, especially the bits where the corrosive properties of the gin are left to play, brings out a charmingly macabre feel. Another prime example is a delicate, life-like eyeball, complete with a coloured iris and intricate vein patterns embedded within. It gazes up, unblinking, as the recipient savours the drink– an experience that’s both spooky and fascinating, in its own unusual way.

If those visions are a little too vivid, why not try a garnish cloaked in surrealism? Picture a dark forest born from a twig of rosemary or thyme, embedded with a few dried berries as mysterious, lurking creatures. It’s like having a small haunted realm within your own glass, dancing its ghostly waltz as you sip. Whatever the nature of your garnish, it’s important to remember: Gin without a garnish is like a funeral without a corpse. Try out these suggestions – if you dare, and embrace the unusual beauty in it.

Exquisite Spirits in New York City

Such delightful morbidity that New York City has to offer. Let’s wander to the darkest corners where gin assumes an unexpected renaissance of flavor. One could say they are the exhumed treasures from a crypt, or merely spirits of another kind. Each one, a tale of its own, tasting of forgotten secrets and whispered promises.

For instance, a place more commonly known as Dorothy Parker’s haunt. Here, the gin seethes with a blend of hibiscus and elderberries, akin to sampling forbidden fruit in an ominous cocktail garden. Ghoulishly delightful, certainly not an experience for the faint-hearted. Yet, dare you deny its peculiar charm?

Then, journey on to the juniper extravagance known as Perry’s Tot. A gin created in a place that smells like a scorned lover’s rage mixed with the echoes of laughter. Somewhere, amidst the streets that hold stories of forgotten souls. This Navy strength one is potent, very much like the bitter sting of love lost, yet intoxicating enough to have you embrace its wrath.

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Optimal Preparation of Gin

When it comes to the art of gin making, mediocrity is never an option. Insisting on high-quality ingredients is not just a need, but rather a dark compulsion. Love the sublime, absolute taste and colors. Each botanical extract speaks volumes of a story waiting to unfold in each sip. Keep the ingredients chilled, very chilled. A cold caress to stir the spirits, an implicit whisper of the macabre to celebrate the joyous nuances of despair.

Spices add a mysterious allure that is too delectable to ignore; they’re like the shadows lurking in the corners, an undercurrent of something poignant. Twist things around, put a spin on the conventional—like adding a touch of grains of paradise or the gentle burn of pink peppercorns. They are the unspoken whispers in the still, moonlit night.

As for garnishes and toppings, let’s stray from the everyday lemon twist or olives. They are so…normal. Imagine a sliver of toasted coconut or burnt orange peel, a melancholic yet intriguing hint of the unknown. A sprig of charred rosemary or a blackberry perhaps? The monotone charm of garnishes with an unconventional heartbeat can transform the mundane into something exquisitely somber. Experience the dance macabre of flavors as they unravel the secrets of the perfect gin.

Preparing and Presenting A Superior Quality Gin

All is but darkness in the heart of the refined, and from such, only the finest, most hauntingly sublime of flavors should emerge. When treating the uninitiated to the ritual of a superior quality gin, it is imperative to distill upon them the significance of the drink’s morose, juniper-veiled essence. It is not merely alcohol in the glass, but the shadow of sophistication laced coolly under the guise of respectability.

Garnishes serve not merely as decoration, but as silent accomplices in each gin’s dance with darkness. Lemon for bitterness; a parable of life’s unyielding harshness. A sprig of rosemary, symbol of remembrance; a quiet nod to past joys, past sorrows. Ice is more than mere temperature control; it represents the natural state of the human heart – cold and unflinching. As for accompaniments, perhaps something equally sober is in order – caviar on a cracker, a porcelain doll of a dish serving as the perfect accomplice to the intense potability of a high-quality gin.

With the food pairing, let’s reflect the rugged spice profile with a suitable partner. Consider smoked salmon, or a rich, aged cheese—an echo of the mysterious depth of the gin’s very soul. And remember, just as the light of day gives way to the cool embrace of night, so too should your gin be served; chillingly cold as the kiss of winter’s lips, or the bones of one’s ancestors buried deep beneath the frost painted earth. Proceed with dark delight, savor each drop like drops of life’s fleeting moments. This is the art of gin.

A Spooky New York Gin Joke

Have you ever heard the one about the premier Gin spirits in New York City? It involves a ghastly gin and a haunted hangout. Once upon a midnight dreary, a specter walks into a bar in the shadows of the Manhattan skyline, mourning his unquenchable thirst for a drink with a bit of life in it. The spirit of a witty mixologist suggests a special gin, claiming it’s the lifeblood of every good tale. But, the specter — already cold and lifeless as a crypt — raises a brow and replies, ‘Are you trying to put more spirit in me or in the gin?’

I appreciate your endurance through this dreadfully delightful troupe of words. It’s an unusual treat to find someone who can appreciate the darkness and humor in such a tale. It’s as rare as a sunny day in our family’s greenhouse. So, thank you, dear reader, for your time and attention.

I must insist on extending an eerie invitation for you to visit again. There’s a peculiar pleasure in sharing these odd little snippets of life and death, gin and ghostly banter. So, please do dare to return whenever the mood strikes you, or the shadows grow too long. I would be, as they say in the less morbid realms of society, delighted to have you.


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